So, have I mentioned that Jack and I are polyamorous, or in an open relationship, or whatever it is that you want to call it? Hm, looks like not really. I sort of implied it, but it wasn’t really clear what I meant at all.
So, yes, about two years ago, I declared that I was going to start seeing other people. I left off the take it or leave me, but I am pretty sure it was implied.
This, by the way, is not at all the recommended way to introduce an open relationship. Every book and article I have ever read on the subject makes it clear that you should not, under any circumstances, ever, ever pressure someone into trying an open relationship.
And, if an ultimatum isn’t pressure, what is?
But, the bit I have never really understood is what the hell you are supposed to do if you love someone, but feel that you really can’t keep going on with the whole monogamy thing.
What do you say? So, this social construct known as “monogamy” is making me miserable. If you don’t want to try the open relationship thing, that’s cool. We can just end our relationship, or we can stay together, and I’ll be miserable. No, really I don’t mind. No pressure.
Maybe this works if you decide that non-monogamy is for you while single and able to vet new relationships on the basis of shared moral turpitude. But, if you already have an actual relationship… yeah. The consensus seems to pretty much be, good luck with that.
Thank god I did not know about this general consensus at the time, or I might have decided to forge on with the misery, or (more likely) taken up cheating.
Anyway, Jack met a girl last week. This has happened many times over the last two years, of course, but this one feels particularly significant. I think they are falling in L-O-V-E. This is 99% adorable. The other 1% is equally divided between panic (OMG he is going to leeeeave me and I will be all aloooone for ever and ever!), jealousy (I wish I had a fresh shiny new love like that.) and annoyance (You are g-chatting with her again? Would it kill you to talk to your girlfriend who is right here next to you on the couch in the flesh and blood right now?).
Sooo, an interesting development. We’ve both dated a bit and had a few partners. Jack more so than me. Mainly because I hit on a keeper pretty much right out of the internet dating gate.
Let’s call this other boyfriend of mine Farran because, well, because it amuses me. So, anyway, I met Farran almost two years ago now, and he is a delightful top, which is nice since I have mainly preferred to bottom recently. Jack, in case you are wondering, is pretty much equally happy as a top or a bottom. In practice, though, he mostly tops since it just seems to be easier for him to find female bottoms.
Anyway, Farran. I adore that man like salt in my own twisty way, but I think OK Cupid (where we met) actually sums it up best. OKC thinks Farran and I are practically a perfect “match,” but we are, according to their algorithms, only about 50% “friends,” which, if you aren’t playing along at home, is is pretty abysmal.
In other words, we are sexually compatible, and we agree on general type subjects like politics, religion and general morality, but when it comes to non-sexual specifics we are hopelessly mismatched. He plays video games. I read blogs. He organizes dungeons and dragons games. I organize elaborate multi-course meals. He screens the Rocky Horror Picture Show every. single. weekend. I build furniture in my free time.
Other than, you know, our complete lack of mutual interest. He is pretty much as perfect a fuck buddy as I can imagine. We have attraction, oh, yes. And, we have mutual respect. He treats me nicely and I him. But we are just never going to fall in love in that delightful, shiny new way that Jack is enjoying right now.
I am totally jealous.